The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Randomize
