I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Randomize
