Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
