i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
