I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
