I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
my liver is dry heaving
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
