Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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