he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
