You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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