he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
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Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
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I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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