I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.