So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.