I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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