??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
