If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
3pm strippers are depressing
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
