i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
It's official drugs can't kill me
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
