Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
