Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
