I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
