i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
