Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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