Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Randomize
