She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
i want to swaddle you in tequila
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
