Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
It's official drugs can't kill me
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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