yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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