Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
