You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
