she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
