I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
