SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
