do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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