Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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