don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
