I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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