I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
