Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
