Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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