I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
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