Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
