Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
