we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
