I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
