I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
