The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
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