lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Shame - the story of my life.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
