it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
