Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
