You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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