Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
