I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
