Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
there is glitter all over my balls
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