I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
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