so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize