thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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