I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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