like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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