It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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