Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
