clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
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We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
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so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Maybe he injected his testicle?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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