just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
