This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
