Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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