you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
