Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize