oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
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