I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
My brain says no but my pants say off.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
