She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Let's paint friendship bongs
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
