jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
