I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
