I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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