Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
