my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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