So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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