No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
