So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
