She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
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Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
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...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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