yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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