Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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