she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
