im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
