So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
