I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
