By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
