Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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